BALL ABOUT THAT BASE

Week 8-Take Me Down To Barbie Town

Remember that scene in You Got Served where lil Scrappy dies and they are all sucking at dancing but then they say "Let's do it for Lil' Scrappy!" and they are suddenly magically great at dancing and pull off a solid routine?  This week was exactly like that (minus one of our crew dying.)

Apparently no one gave 2 shits about the game because no one had any pictures of that. Half our team was watching Chile play soccer.  We lost and blah blah blah.  But let's get to the good stuff!

Barbie World! Everyone looked super fun in their Barbie gear.

Malibu Barbie

Pan Am Barbie

Hawaiian Barbie soon to be Ken

Pin Up Barbie

Hawaiian Ken

Brexit Barbie

Barbie Hug!!

Motorboat Barbie-she was adopted

Cannibal Barbie? Honestly what is Jessica doing???

DJ CK1 was throwing down some sweet tunes...

Then we all began some form of a lip sync battle. There were dicks in boxes, thongs where they shouldn't be, and a rendition of Lion King that made Disney roll over in his grave. Cheers to everyone who represented their team so bravely!

I don't think there's dicks in those boxes...

Hold on for 1 more day...

They gave some inspirational speech like "friends forever ya'll!"

Limp Bitzkit taking me back.

Super hero Timary

Then Paul decided to show up

Keeping it classy!

.
So finally the Barbies assembled and after no practice and many drinks we somehow pulled off a great performance! Here's a video of that...


https://youtu.be/vXfKLnC9100

We took first in both Theme Week and Lip Sync!!! Then as if it couldn't get any better, we won our revenge Flip Cup match!

Tadaaaaaa!

But we couldn't forget about Ref Love!!  Thanks refs!
 

All in all we learned a lot about ourselves this week.  We learned that if we put our minds to it and post millions of idea on our Facebook group page and wait until the last minute to decide on something, we can definitely throw something together. We did it for Lil Scrappy. 

See ya at the playoffs...
The Massaker


























Week 7-End of Days



I was going to end the blog there but then felt guilty.  The weather people warned us about for like 2 months finally came. We all knew it was coming and yet we all decided not to quit WAKA on the spot and still play because we're ridiculous human beings. 




So there were a brave few who pre-partied. I admire you all. I really do.  If there is ever a full blown war on our soil I will go hide in your bunker.  You're the people I would want to be with when the titanic is sinking. Let's pay tribute to those people:



Hmmm...where are all the men? So then we headed to the field because we're insane.



Alls I remember is some douche tripping Jessica TWICE on 2nd base. If you're reading this 2nd base guy-once is an accident-twice YOU A DOUCHE. Also I'm drinking wine while writing this.LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES DOUCHE!

No this isn't that scene from Alien. It's Jessica's knee

Okay let's look at pictures of us kicking so much ass (okay mostly us hovering in the shade) but still losing as our faces melted off:

Chris was confused and thought he was on Optikicks

Captain Paul not giving two shits

Fun in the shade

Look at the form!!

Jessica writing her nasty FB message to the Douche like "Dear...Douche..."

This dog is the only one that looks genuinely happy

Steph after catching so many balls

Someone came prepared with hydration. Way to show us up!

Us: "Yes Paul, tell us the way" Jess: "Those are all the reasons I hate you Douche. Love Jess"

Totes candid shot of Courtney!

She sees failure is our future

Skipping or kicking the greatest kick ever? It doesn't matter because they called it foul.

Then we were like "Fuck this" and went to the bar. Not only was the NBA Finals on but the fucking AC was on!!!



Here's people not giving two shits about WAKA shenanigans because the game of all time was on!



Here are all the bar things:

Something was HILARIOUS

The bacteria in her knee made her crazy

Laney after kicking my ass in beer pong

Paul always has deep conversations in the bar

Then they were like "Hey it's your time for Das Boot!" as we looked around and most of our team was gone. Enrique, Laney, Paul and myself sucked it up and took on all the beer.  It was...well...a boot full of beer.

I learned watching this dude.

Us learning how to chug beer. Laney's face says it all.

Painful. Okay but we got ref love so cheer up!

Did we even challenge the other team to a revenge bar match??? Who knows. All I know is we survived, we drank a boot, and people love basketball. It was a good night had by all.

xoxo
The Massaker



Week 6-FOMO meets FOBO

Where do you begin when you play FOBO?  Oh ya...with Shot O'Clock. FML FOBO... FML

Then we got up close an personal.

Then some neighbor called in a noise complaint about us even though it was literally the quietest we had ever been while being in the same area together. So preparty was a blur of fun and then we headed to the game and some of us apparently switched teams?

I have no idea but it looks like Aaron is the creeper uncle in the back trying to always get in the picture. Sorry Aaron.

Then we headed into the win zone dominating 8-1!


Timary was NOT having it but she had a Panda for company.  What's sad is I didn't even really notice the Panda until I looked at these pictures. That's how crazy Waka is.

 Then Raul flipped off the camera because...Raul

After that we tunneled it hard which is always a blast!



At the bar we immediately started doling out #reflove like it was our business (because it was)

Is this Ref Love or a snuff film???

Then we played this ridiculous bar game which I'm pretty sure was intended to kill off 2 members of every team or to encourage everyone to quit smoking.

THEN...oh then...FOBO waited until like midnight to challenge us to a game of flip cup which we lost by a lot because we were all hammered. Nice strategy FOBO.  Here is the state we were in...

Fair?  The verdict is still out. Until next time...

xoxo
The Massaker


Week 5-Harry Shit in our Potter

That pretty much sums up our game this Sunday. Dumbledore's Army came strong and handed us our asses 14-7. Guys-just try to remember that quote that Michael Jordan said about like "Hey no one remembers the millions of baskets I didn't make...they just remember the ones I did because I'm Michael Fucking Jordan." (I paraphrased that a bit but my version is better anyway.) 

But let's not think about losing-let's think about all the fun stuff like mimosas and riding broomsticks and draaaaaanks!!

So then we went to the bar for a rematch! Okay I'm going to give this a try... So the Muggles challenged Dumbledore's Army to a game of Butter Beer Pong and reigned victorious!  Did I do it right??? Good job Courtney and Dave!  

Then we took 3rd at the teamwide beer relay game. Yay! So we're not actually a fail whale.  More like a fail dolphin and I'll take that because dolphins are hella smart and can do cool tricks.

Now it's time for some ref love!!

Week 4-Theme Week?

Remember that scene from Step Up 3 that I posted on the team page before the dance off?  Last Sunday was like 1/100th of that plus drunk. But I'll get to that in a second. This week was theme week and since we had like 3 days to plan it we all said "What clothes were we all born in? Ya we still have some of those" and we threw on our finest 80's/90's gear and headed to the pool to booze it up with On Sundays We Wear Pink. People did not hold back on bringing the goods and we had a feast of the century. Here are some pics of us being one big happy family:


Then Paul continued his tradition of writing the lineup while flooding his system with hooch. At least we actually kind of stuck to the line up this time!

 Then our pool besties turned into our mortal enemies as we headed to the field for a wicked awesome game. On Sundays We Wear Pink played an awesome game but after a crazy inning where we got like 5 home runs somehow, we closed out the game 8-2. Here's pics of the showdown:

Paul is pondering what time the game starts

What Mother Fucker?? What??

It's not a game if someone doesn't ride Jessica while she's stretching!

Can she be any cuter? 

Someone didn't get the glasses memo

The most symmetrical group pose ever. It completely satisfies my OCD G-Spot

 Then shit got real..too real as we all realized we actually had to do some sort of organized dancing...in a bar...that doesn't even have pizza for us.  We did our best to Jump On It but we only jumped on 3rd place, being beaten out by the Jabawokees (The Vegas show was better I must say) and Santa Baby by the Pink team. Most of us, including me, don't remember this. Unfortunately people took videos. Why?? Dear God why??? For the love of everything decent and holy. Thankfully I don't think any of us are going to try and run for President some day. Then we lost our bar game because let's face it-we don't even remember the dance. I was questioning whether we actually even had bar games.  I vaguely remember my tuna melt at the 101 Cafe after. Anyways here's us being cute (stop laughing) at the bar:



 And now it's time for some ref love!!!!!


 Randomly cool story. About 7 years ago I was on a short-lived improv team called Butterface with this guy (Tillery) and I totes thought he moved back home for good but he didn't and he's like randomly on the Pink team! Reuuuunion. Waka really does bring people together!



That's it for this week. I quit my job today so need to get to drinking heavily. Whoop! Have a kick ass week all!

xoxo
The Massaker


Week 3- Ball About that Gambling

Remember that scene in the first Hangover where they are all screwed and they're like "What are we going to do to get out of this?" Then Zach Galifianakis pulls out his card counting book and they head down to the casino like pimps and win a bunch of money. Then Heather Graham saves them from getting in trouble by fake falling off her chair which makes no logical sense why that would ever stop a casino from checking a card counter but we're like "whatevs" cause they won? 

https://youtu.be/DeazgPwP3D0

 Well this game was EXACTLY like that, minus Heather Graham and with Paul playing the part of Zach Galifianakis and we were never really screwed we just thought it'd be fun to gamble. That's right-we gambled and we won. More impressive was the fact that the other team never caught on to the fact that we always threw scissors. Special shout out to Aaron who got us a homerun and to me for finally kicking my first non pop fly ball that wasn't easily caught by the other team with their eyes closed.  It's the little victories sometimes.

Here is a picture of Ashlyn being our MVP, scissoring her way down the bases.  Now here's more pics of us winning.

Jessica is TELLING them something

Here's us going through the tunnel like champs...

Whoop Whoop. So that ended our time on the field and we left with a 5-1 victory, not 5-2 as drunk Raul thought. Hey at least he finally figured out what time the game was after asking EVERYONE ON THE PLANET when all he had to do was look on the fb page literally anywhere. Speaking of being drunk-we then headed to the bar which still DOESN"T FUCKING HAVE PIZZA.

Here's us being challenged to flip cup:

And here's us losing flip cup:

Then we were like "Don't worry we got this-we will win the bar wide flip cup!"

Aww look at us clapping for each other... 















 So we lost that too but then it was okay because Ginge showed up!!

 Then Jessica and Paul had this really serious conversation about something.  I'm going to guess it was about the plan for never fucking up flip cup again.

 Then we loved on some refs although it was very confusing because we had 20 thousand different refs during our game. 

 Here's a sexy shot of the bar:

That's it for this week. I have to say it brought a little tear to my eye when everyone started flapping their wings during the game and recreating the scene from Angels in the Outfield so thanks for making my dream come true.

xoxo
The Massaker

Week 2-Ball About the Balls

Remember that scene in Angels in the Outfield where Tony Danza is like "I got nothing left" and then the kid starts flapping his wings to signify there's a angel with him and then the whole stadium joins in and Danny Glover is like "You can do this" 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXeH4NS9G8M

Well this game was nothing like that. What started off friendly turned into Balls Deep going Balls everywhere and pitches were landing somewhere in between the plate and Gower blvd. Then we unleashed Paul



Who also did a great job making up a defensive line up on the fly after no one showed up from his original lineup that he worked so hard on.  Here's a picture of his working hard:


We kicked our defense in high gear which I think we owe all to the intense stretching.

Then Aaron did this and we won 1-0



Here are multiple pictures of us being very proud of ourselves:


We decided we owed all our success to our bomb ass pre-party. Here the safe for web pics:


I left off the group orgy pics. We all have it in our memories and that's good enough.

Then we were like "Hey let's win some more!!!"

We threw down in Flip cup and won the bar game cheering like school girls at a One Direction concert.




Notice Jessica's fierce "Bitch Please" face in this pic.   Then we danced and decided to take "sexy" pics.



Jessica was still like "Bitch Please"



Then we decided that wasn't enough winning.  So we slayed everyone at ball blowing.





















Get your mind out of the fucking gutter!!! But for real we won all the things and were gracious doing it and it felt good.  Here's some #reflove



Featured Player of the Week: Laney Downie



Laney hails from Scotland and after a brief stint in Utah became a super Nanny to the stars here in Cali.  When she's not making kids lives 100% better she can also be seen running the hills of Hollywood and enjoying a good happy hour (usually with me.) She loves shows about Vikings and people being generally bad ass like her.  She's one of the most loyal people you'll ever meet so don't fuck with her friends or she will go viking on your ass! Also she just cut her hair and it looks super cute.  The end!

Okay that's it for this week.  Just to recap this past week:

1. Pool parties are our jam
2. All the winning
3. We blow balls like a mofo
4. Angels in the Outfield...watch it

xoxo
The Massaker


Week 1-Ball About the First Win

Well kids it started off with a bang (and I'm sure some post-game celebratory banging.) Ball About That Base reigned victorious and since I was busy ruining my liver in the French Quarter here is what I gathered went down based on multiple facebook comments:

We beat Ball of Duty 6-4 and shut them out of the revenge match.  Here's some amazing pictures shot by Anzel Adams:



Then everyone took a break and performed with Mystical at the New Orleans Jazzfest




Then we headed to Happy Endings, which despite all rumors, still exists.  We slayed harder than Beyonce's new Lemonade and placed 4th and 2nd out of 16 in King of the Hill flip cup which I'm assuming involves some sort of cow tipping and marrying a sibling. Special shout of to Jessica who came in 2nd like a ballaaaaaaaa!





Then were was tons of #reflove






All in all fun was had and we're off to a fantastic start.  Now let's meet the team! (We do it two by two because we're OBSESSED with Noah's Ark. This week we feature Courtney Cohen and Paul O'Neil which is fitting because forever I thought they were secretly a couple and was convinced they were doing the whole "no we're not thing" like how Brad and Angelina did forever and we were like "Bitch Please" and then finally they were like "Ya okay PS WE'RE BUYING ALL THE BABIES." Anyway they may not be a couple but they are 2 really cool ass people:




This is Courtney, our social captain.  She makes sure everyone is having fun in case you're someone who is not happy enough just getting to play adult kickball in the first place. She is that girl who owns too many pairs of mermaid leggings. Red lipstick is her drug of choice. She's a Proud Gryffindor. She will out-nerd anyone when it comes to Star Wars. Traveling is her favorite hobby, especially if there's beer or wine tasting involved. And she says "And I live to pester Paul."




Paul is the 3 season veteran of Celebrity and plays in a variety of Waka leagues. Since he is horrible about writing about himself he chose to reuse his OkCupid profile: Quick overview: -Originally from Boston -Moved here roughly 7 years ago -Will always say yes to a concert or to listen to a mix tape -Loves traveling -Sucker for a outdoor movie event -Pro adventures; local and afar. -Old school video games are the best -Not a huge sports fan. However I do love a baseball game every once and while. I do also play on a kickball team. -Love biking and I wish there were more bike lanes -If given the opportunity, I'd move to London in a heartbeat

God doesn't everyone want to date Paul now???

Okay that does it for m e. I have a daiquiri calling my name. See ya'll next Sunday!
PS The first person to tell me how many pictures I photoshopped myself into gets a prize.

_________________________________________________________

FALL 2015
Week  10 - LAST GAME 

Fucking RAIN. In Los Angeles. In Hollywood. Rain.

Did any of us come prepared? Not really. As someone who does not consider herself a Californian, I put myself to shame by showing up in my standard uniform of weird leggings and a sweatshirt and just *assuming* the game would be called because it was raining. 

It was not called and we lost pathetically, giving credence to my oft-repeated question: "If we're going to lose, can't we just forfeit and go to the bar already?"

There was a lot of sliding and dropping of balls (or in the case of Mackenzie and myself in the outfield, the watching as balls soared overhead, never to be touched). I think some people got some runs, but I can't really remember since I had a hat and hood pulled waaaaay over my face. Some people continued to take the game seriously (to which I tip my rain-soaked hat to you) but most of just wanted to hurry up the inevitable and get to Happy Endings for some good, clean, church-appropriate fun.

Clearly that did NOT happen as Happy Endings was a complete and utter shit show for our final night out.

There were bar games.

There was dancing.

There was people injuring themselves and not remembering how the next day (if anyone can explain to me why I had bruises on both sides of my hands on Monday, please let me know... and if I fought you, I'm sorry because I clearly won).

There was a girl crying in the bathroom - I ran full force in the opposite direction because FTS, but hey crying girl - I hope you're okay! *High Five*

There were shots on shots on shots.

There was some failed and successful attempts at flirting.

Someone may or may not have been knocked out with a pair of tits.

And there was pizza.

What more can you ask for?


This was a fantastic season with a fantastic team, and I can't wait to see all your beautiful, hungover faces in the new year!!

Week  9

Theme week, bitches! And our fucked up family came out in force.

We have holiday wishes from all the people you're genetically or legally connected to whom you're deeply ashamed of:

Happy holidays from the crew who thinks it is funny to wear silly sweaters with no pants. What fun to be half naked around your own kin! (You know who also thinks that is fun? Basically the majority of PornHub users, considering "step-sister" and "step-mom" were like, two of the most popular searches in this past year. Just a build up of excitement for Star Wars, hoping to capture the magic between Luke and Leia, or a sign of the moral destruction of our society?)

Feliz Navidad from the "modern" family - Mom in her tracksuit, Dad in a Miami Vice sportcoat with nothing underneath, and their three weird onesie children (one who clearly was adopted, probably with the help of political restrictions on childbirth in certain Asian countries). What a beautiful picture of what your family can look like if you don't tell your kids to grow the fuck up and stop wearing pajamas as real clothing.

Happy New Years from your creepy uncles. We don't need to go into detail with this one. It will stir up too many memories and I can't afford to be paying anyone's therapy bills right now.

Clearly channeling our inner problem children worked for us, because we won. I personally got two runs which I am 100% attributing to the aerodynamic nature of the cat-print onesie. (The same can't be said for some of our players *cough*Mackenzie*cough* who looked like they were practicing Prancersize on the field - good thing she made up for it by making multiple inning-ending catches.)  

We held off Optikicks Prime throughout the game, and finished with a 7-3 win. The bar was a shitshow, as per usual, with all the fucked up families mixing and mingling and probably more than a few people swapping their less-than-superior genetic materials at some point in the night. Sexy(ish). 

We lost in flip cup, but we won in creeping people the fuck out. And isn't that the biggest win of all?

Celebrity sighting with Robbie:

Next Week's Celebrities:

Anton De Martino (the weirdo in the middle of this weird picture): Anton is from Australia. Anton speaks Italian. Anton loves tennis. Anton has a weird antelope(?) totem named Gary.

Lara Steele (I'm the one in the sweet sweet cat onesie on the left): I write this blog. I have two doctoral degrees and I pole dance for funsies. I fucking HATE bananas. And yes, I realize my name sounds porny.

Week  8 - Guest Writer: Kaleena Massaker

(The lovely Kaleena)

This week was a great game to show up to hungover (and most of us did) because all rules were off.  We even made our own rule and then abandoned it within 5 minutes of the game starting. It turns out combining volleyball with kickball leads to some pretty long plays.  

Balls Deep-The Sequal was doing an amazing job not catching a single ball ever, allowing several of us to finally get a home run. The fun and confusion ramped up when we exchanged some of our players totally confusing the shit out of me.  

All in all it was great sloppy fun. 

Now to the important stuff. We started off the beer relay with a bang. With more balls flying at our faces than at a night of Thunder Down Under, we managed to stay focused and came in with a decent score earning us 3rd place.  

While I was busy chasing down my missing pizza in a fit of rage and sadness, we played our bar games and reigned victorious at 7 v 7 flip cup, earning us 4 points. 

We also nailed the celebrity sighting and ref love earning us 2 more points.  

Apparently no one gave a shit about the Homeless as I didn’t see anyone bring a blanket but apparently there’s still time to donate if we can melt the ice around our hearts long enough to care. 

Next week we are off because we have to be Thankful and stuff with our families. Don’t forget while you’re stuffing your face with goodness to gather up an ugly christmas sweater for theme week the following week.  

I still think we should be pantsless but then again, I have no time between now and then to work on my glutes. 

Happy Thanksgiving Ya’ll!

Next Week's Celebrities:
Paul O'Neill: 
Quick Facts About Paul as ripped from his OkCupid Profile (he's single ladies):-Originally from Boston-Moved here roughly 7 years ago-Will always say yes to a concert or to listen to a mix tape-Loves traveling-Sucker for a outdoor movie event-Pro adventures; local and afar.-Old school video games are the best-Not a huge sports fan. However I do love a baseball game every once and while. I do also play on a kickball team.-Love biking and I wish there were more bike lanes-If given the opportunity, I'd move to London in a heartbeat-Will take your LA burrito suggestions-Pro bullet points!

Ryan Dowd Urch (aka sleeping on Caitlyn's boobs guy):

1. His first email and screenname was ryaniwin, in reference to Friends, in which he may be mildly obsessed.

2. Sang opera all throughout his adolescence and young adulthood.3. Rewired, re-roofed, and basically renovated his house he owned in Florida. 

Week 7

Sorry guys - sadly adult life work situations will be overriding all kickball-related writing obligations, so this week's post will be short and not-so-sweet (isn't being an adult THE WORST?!):

On the field: we lost (womp womp - but damn we look good doing it)

At the bar: we won (yay! we win at boozing!)

Celeb Sightings:

This Week's Celebs:
Kaleena Massaker  has lived all over the South, including New Orleans, Tennessee, Texas, and Arkansas. She's an only child and she's almost died three times (maybe her parents wanted to be childless...). She does National Beauty Sales by day, and musical comedy and hip-hop dancing by night. She also stars in a web series called "Sunday Brunch the Series" (she has never turned down an invite for brunch OR happy hour). She IS a real redhead! And yes her last name is pronounced like MASSACRE. Not so fun-for-her fact: she used to work as a costumed entertainer at children's parties...

(I think she and I are probably meant-to-be because if we got married our children could have the last name "Steele Massacre".)

Jeff Lee is a guy. I dunno, his hair's kind, I dunno, brown? 

No, it's not really brown. Oh, he's tall.

Yeah, he's kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's like always wearing like t-shirts. Sometimes.

So, he's sort of tall? With... hair? And he wears t-shirts, sometimes?

(If you get this reference you're old like me and I love you.)

Sorry. No one else got back to me with facts so this is what you get, Jeff Lee.

Week 6

Care Bear Countdown, 4, 3, 2, 1

Who's that comin' from somewhere up in the sky?Moving fast and bright as a fireflyJust when you think the trouble's gonna pounceWho's gonna be there when it really counts?Do the Care Bear CountdownAnd send a wish out through the airJust do the Care Bear CountdownWhen you need them they'll be thereThunder ClippingDon't be afraid when clouds are brewin' in your heartIf you can dream just send a wish out in the darkAnd do the Care Bear's Countdown5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0

Yep. Too bad we're the We Don't Care Bears.

But we clearly cared enough TO WIN! Or maybe not caring is the real way to be a winner...Deep thoughts to ponder mid-week.

We played an amazing game against those villanous vixens I Can't Feel My Balls When I'm With You (god damnit your name is too long). The game was a rousing success, with lots of shouting and quite a few back-field catches from Captain Tommy (Poo Bear). Many a Care Bear sported their fuzzy onesies, while some of us could clearly not be bothered, and went with the classy costume fallback of paper and safety pins (who doesn't care the most?).

Check out our demented We Don't Care Bear family:

Back at the homestead (Happy Endings), we sadly lost the bar games, but that didn't take away from the vibe of the night, which clearly was "I don't care what you think about me" Bears (eg: Courtney catching ping pong balls in her shirt). 

Have a celeb sighting:

Now have some other pictures:

This Week's Celebs:Courtney Cohen (aka Basic Bitch Bear)Courtney works in the Die Hard building at FOX (she CAN get people in, and she does take bribes... I'm thinking Pumpkin Spice dolla dolla bills y'all). For fun, she is a pinup model (see below, OWW OWW!). She absolutely loves the beach and anything Star Wars, Disney, or Broadway. She also admitted to crying at a Billy Joel concert, twice. (I'm thinking a beach date where you dress as Mickey Han Solo, whilst singing "Always a Woman" and doing jazz hands... no need to thank me for that banger of a date idea. You can pay me back in wine.)

John Stewart (aka Bipolar Bear)Born and raised in LA (he's from the valley, duh), John owns his own company doing visual effects for movies. According to John (I didn't say this - he said this), "I've worked on many of the worst sequels in a franchise - Indiana Jones 4, Terminator 4 & 5, XMen 3, and Die Hard 5..." John was a conjoined twin who absorbed his sibling in utero. He is learning to fly a plane but he's also obsessed with the show Why Planes Crash (maybe this explains his choice of Bipolar Bear). He also inadvertantly told Adam Sandler he was ugly, which I think would be no surprise to Adam or to anyone else. My favorite fact about John, (which is also a fact about me, and is a standard statement in any of my online dating profiles as it is a really easy tool to weed out unacceptable people immediately): he is a huge fan of the oxford comma. 

Week 5


Statements that were heard during this game: "oh my god I'm so hungover", "why do we have a game after Halloween?", "I'm so hungover", "why is it so hard to run?", "I'm never going to drink again"... and I swear it wasn't just me saying these things. (It was mostly me but I was just saying what everyone else was thinking.)

There were also some pretty amazing feats of physical strength and dexterity, despite the alcohol still coursing through our bloodstreams. I saw no less than two dive/rolls for the ball and many death-defying air ball catches that quickly and gracefully got me the fuck off third base.

Please see these two very detailed and accurate representations of Week 5 game play, courtesy of Kaleena:

After our fantastic whirlwind game on the field, we headed to the bar, where some of us chose to forgo the alcoholic beverages and instead purify ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (j/k - LA tap water for the win). At the bar we won one of the bar games, and took third in Speed Beer Pong. Overall successful post-Halloween kickball day, if I do say so myself.

(PS: Whomever is posting those super sped up 3-second gifs of the weird shit that goes down at Happy Endings... fuel for nightmares my friend, fuel for nightmares.)

Have some pictures: 
(These are Peyton's awesome macaron leggings. They are amazing and you better appreciate them.)

And a heartwarming goodbye from Ball About That Base to I Can't Feel My Balls When I'm With You's Phil, who is heading down under. Safe travels and be careful of drop bears - they'll take your face off!!




This Weeks Celebrities
Raul Perez:
"Born in cuba raised in Puerto Rico. Moved to LA a year ago. I had a pet dragon but cuban customs kept it. I'm an engineer I build shit and stuff. Very loud, weird and sarcastic. Love sports, music and from time to time I like to stay in and read books. One of these was a lie." I'm going with book reading as a lie because clearly having a Cuban dragon seems totally plausible and also who know what the fuck is going down in Cuba - it could be the IRL version of Casterly Rock for all we know. 


Laney Downie:
"Born in Scotland moved to the USA when I was 18!
Have 7 sisters and 1 brother!
I'm a super nanny
I frequently talk to myself and sometimes answer back 
I have pretty feet!" <-- I have not seen her feet so I can't assure the accuracy of the statement, but as I've learned through years and years of being on the interwebz, statistically speaking there must be some of you in our group who are sooooooo into feet (personally I think they are nasty but whatevs, we all have our own freak proclivities), so you should definitely find out for yourselves whether this is true 

Week 4

I blew it post-zombie party so here is a lovely guest post from Peyton!!

Ball About That Base was Ball About That Mid Season this week! We took over with our WAKA Dead costumes and excitement for any reason to party.

Unfortunately, our late night shinanigans and the fact that far too many of us ending up in strip clubs for some reason or another, caused us to have a rather bad showing on the field... Hangovers GALORE! Last week we won hearts with our Shitty Star Wars costumes, this week we lost a game with our shitty kickball skills... But that didn't stop us from having a great time! 

Optikicks Prime showed up and was SO fun to play! We paper-rock-scissored our way through bases a few times, but just couldn't manage a run... That's ok though! When we got to the bar, THE CIVIL WAR WAS ON! 4-on-4 came down to 1-on-1, with each player having 2 cups in front of them and people shagging as if their lives depended on it, (yes, I know how that sounds, take it as you will). Fortunatly, with a 2 cup finish, Jeff took the win and Ball About That Base came out victorious at the bar. 

We had fun, we played kickball, we drank beer. Overall, it was a great week to be wearing light blue!


Celebs this week:

Kori Ellis and John Draper (adorbs couple and kickballers):
Kori a martial artist, a dancer, a signed model, and a hardKor (haha) closet nerd. She lived in Wales for 5 years. And she reps Chicago. Currently she is back in school for Public Relations!

John and Kori have been together for over 2 and a half years. John is from hermosa beach and is a lover of the ocean. Skateboarding/surfing/paddle boarding are some of his favorite outdoor activities. He is a resident DJ at Exchange LA and is extremely competitive. He is a science geek. Favorite movie is grandmas boy... But he just retracted that statement and said interstellar.

Have some pics:

Week 3

Soooo... there was kickball this weekend? We played a game and there was running and possibly throwing and catching of balls? These are questions because there seems to be a big spot in my memory that goes black between dressing up like Jabba the Hut and then dancing at Happy Endings in a stolen Stormtrooper mask. 

So yes. According to my teammates we did play a game. Against Ball of Duty. We lost (?). I may have touched a ball (that's what she said). 

BUT GODDAMN DID WE CONQUER SPACE THEME WEEK.

Shitty. Star. Wars.

We had me, Shitty Jabba the Hut. With my slave, Shitty Princess Leia. Ya that's a sleeping bag, assholes. Ho ho ho, jabba wookie han solo kickball smelly sleeping bag space worm. Want some cinnamon buns? Props to Shitty Leia for her pipe-cleaner costume skills. This verges on not shitty, but the drippy wood glue stains all over the costume basically bring it right down to our shitty level.

Shitty Han Solo and his Shitty friend Chewie on the Millenium Falcon. Look out! Han and Chewie are giants! Also isn't it kind of whack that Chewie's name is Chewie and he's a Chewbacca? That's like saying "this is my friend Hume.. he's a human." (I totally know a Hume and believe his parents would be the type of people who would think it was good to name their child after the species.)
*TOMMY corrected my assholeness. Chewie is a Wookie. Still sounds like a dumbass name to me.

Shitty Leia again with Shitty Trashcan R2D2. She's not even in the right outfit for this scene. That outfit was from like, two movies later. And R2D2 didn't even HAVE a beard. Or legs and arms. WTF. These clearly are NOT the droids you're looking for.

Another Shitty Chewie. Her Chewie voice sounded like a drunk person getting kicked in the stomach. "Unnnh." Were there even female Chewbaccas? There are a lot of things about this fucked-up muppet-style universe that don't make sense.

Shitty family picture: Shitty Darth with Shitty Leia and Shitty Luke, in short shorts. Use a condom kids, or your whiney son will kill you after sucking face with his own sister. Gross.  But you cut his hand off because you're the definition of an asshole absentee parent. So I guess you had it coming. Dummy.

Another Shitty Robe Leia and pals. Is that foundation on the back of your robe, Leia? According to George Lucas there were no bras in space (I kid you not - Carrie Fisher wasn't allowed to wear a bra in the movie BECAUSE THERE ARE NO SPACE BRAS) - if there were no bras (which I'm not buying since they clearly had gold bras in Jabba's palace), there was definitely no space concealer.

And then the whole Shitty gang. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Then the Shitty gang on the field. Clearly the picture taker didn't want to get too close to this group of rabid space freaks.

And Shitty Star Wars at the baaaaaaar.

(Don't be jelly of our costume design and photoshop skills. Like Iggy Azalea said, "I'm a multifaceted bitch, I do a ton of shit.")

Here are some celeb sightings:

And here are your new celebs (just watch the vid and BE AMAZED!)

Peyton and Jamal BEING AWESOME!

Peyton Nealis - stand up comedian by night, commercial real estate maven by day. Former kindergarten teacher AND former Miss Pacific Palisades (a renaissance woman, if you will). Afraid of spiders and heights. Die hard Seminole fan.

Jamal Gumbs - sports fan/computer nerd with the trophies to back it up: 3X Waka dodgeball champ, 1X Wakalympics champ. Fan of Elon Musk, space, and technology. Muay Thai practitioner (so watch your butts if you try to throw down). From the US Virgin Island. Die hard Seminole fan.

*If you want to see them off the kickball field, check them out every Saturday at Big Wangs, watching FSU play!*

PS: Whomever can explain the GIANT bruise I have on my forehead... I will give buy you a beer. Pics or it didn't happen. 

Week 2

Sadly, instead of playing the game of kickball this Sunday night, I was sitting on an airplane next to a man who thought he deserved the armrest despite the fact that I was in the middle seat (bullshit). So thank you to Tommy for the update:

"Great game yesterday. We tied on the field and we kicked ass at the bad. Jamal Gumbs, Peyton Nealis is going to give you a run for your money at the bar. She is 1-0 and you're still sitting at 0-1." <--interteam trash talking. I love it.

Here are some our players of the week pics:

BOD (Brent) and I Blew Myself (Edwin) with Peyton

Getting To Know You:

Newbie: MACKENZIE! (The blonde on the left in the pic below.) Lovely Mackenzie is PETRIFIED of the ocean and hasn't been in in 13 years. And second, two years ago she went on birthright in Israel and almost joined the Israeli army. 

I can see it. It would be a good look.

Old Pro: Jessssssssssssss. Jess pressured me into joining so I must thank her. Jess (the redhead in the pic above and the sweet sweet crosseyed chick in the pic below) is a master of full cup flipcup. Quote from Jess (as I don't want to be blamed for any sloppy drinking duels), "I will gladly accept any challenges thrown my way." The gloves have come off, people. Another fun fact about Jess - her first screenname was "i12cabsb" and when she is home in Key West, FL, she still lives by the motto "wwncd" (as in What Would Nick Carter Do? And to be honest, he's gotta be like what - 40 now? What would he do in Key West? Probably wear Sperry Topsiders with no socks and a visor from Brooks Brothers. Jess you need a new motto.) Yay Jess!

Here are some more fun pics:

This does not seem like real stretching but I'm into it

Week 1


Welcome to kickball! (I say that to myself as it's been 22 years since I participated in a sport with a ball and expectations of winning via the "scoring" of "points" - but you try competitive dance and try to tell me it isn't as grueling as ball-based athletics...).

This newbie was incredibly happy to meet her awesome new teammates and all the players from the other teams in this first week of CA Celebrity Kickball. Pulling out a late win against Real Ballers Wear Pink, Ball About That Base showed off their fantastic kicking, catching, and throwing skills (see - I totally have this sports writing thing down) combined with lots of cheering -- and there was even some pom pom shaking going on on the sideline. Props to new player Mackenzie for an amazing catch to close out the game. 

Post-game bar session with all the teams at Happy Endings was a great ending to the night. Pink mopped us in bar games (your badass skills are to be commended) but everyone seemed to have an amazing time regardless. As someone more inclined to costumes and dancing I was super excited to see the heavy participation in group singalongs and what can only be described as bad modern line dancing, minus the cowboy boots and large belt buckles. 

All in all it was an awesome Sunday and I can't wait to see all your happy, slightly inebriated faces again next week!

Getting To Know You:

Newbie: I'll start with an easy one - my best friend Ray (the red headed guy with the beard and the epic leggings). Ray is (1) a well-known karaoke professional (if you want to hear a heart wrenching rendition of some mid-90s R&B, you are in for a treat my friends) and (2) in his younger days, won multiple burrito eating contests. If you get him a drink, he will tell you about how his burrito trophy was unjustly stolen by another competitor. 

*These statements are 100% true but were not approved by Ray.

Old pro: TOMMY! Captain Tommy. (1) Tommy is from the 27th largest city in the United States - Oklahoma City, which is in Oklahoma (mind blowing, right?). Fun facts about Oklahoma City: Ron Howard and the Flaming Lips are all from Oklahoma City. Do you realize? (2) Tommy is also the middle child out of FIVE children. Five. The most middle of the middle. (He is also the middle in the picture below. Maybe that's where he feels comfortable.) Yay Captain Tommy!

Have some photos:

Week 9
We won on the field and lost at beer pong at the bar.
I will elaborate more when I have more time later.
Enjoy photos courtesy of jessica

Week 8

Week 8 brought us battling the number 3 seed of bar points Ballasdeep. Bar points were worth double this week. We had some adult beverages ahead of time at outpost and a few of us participated in the Survivor flip cup tournament at big wangs. As I left outpost all I know is that someone bought a bottle of fireball and that those who were at outpost came to the field a little excited. Ball About That Base represented in survivor flip cup even after having the first two people out of the tourney. It was a close won but we edged miss Emily from the Zinis for the Wynn....

Field game was amazing. We played up to our potential and did amazing as a team. Kyle shows up after. A slight hiatus and makes some plays of defense and also kicks us a home run. But this weeks MVP goes out to James for his amazing play and ridiculous catches. Also James why are you moving to NY, we will miss you so much. So MVP honors is also a tribute to your farewell. In the end we won 5-1 and are in the hunt for the end of season honors. Great job everyone.

At the bar it looks like we played civil war. I missed the match so I don't have much commentary. Bar MVPs go to all four who beat Ballsdeep in civil war with special props to Laney for sinking in the last cup. We did what we needed to this week on and off the court.

Here are some photos of this week. Highlighted by James photo of being the first one at the field for the 5:00 game and watching ghosts play kickball.

See you guys next week, can't believe there are only 2 weeks left. America F@&! Yeah

Week 7

Week 7 brought a matchup of the season as number 1 ranked Zinis came in to see if they were Ball About That Base. They showed up and played well. It was a battle with lefts and rights being thrown back and forth. Neither team seemed to want to surrender. At the end, the two colossal Giants could not be taken down and we ended up with a draw 5-5. Field MVPs go to the nine amazing ballers that showed up this week. Shout out to Kari, Carly, Rachel, Jessica, Colin, Joe, Anton, James, and I guess myself. We did great when the odds were stacked against us, the rules were crazy and we had to play a very talented team.

On to the bar, wow so much fun. 21 cup beer pong was the chosen game. Again this was a back and forth battle, but in beer pong, there are no draws. Zinis won with the commish sinking in the final dagger cup for them. We played a few more times after because we love partying with the Zinis because they are a blast. Bar MVP goes to a player who didn't even play in the social bar game. Yes that's right Anton you are truly the bar MVP as you show Celebrity kicballers everywhere how to have a good time. Check out the photo album under the Celebrity Facebook group to view some of the shenanigans we were involved in. Spoiler alert, there was fun, photo bombs, arm wrestling matches, and a real wrestling match (sort of). Here are just a few of the photos this week courtesy of Bill.

Us trying to really understand how to chug beer properly

Week 6 

Hello fellow teammates, this is your captain speaking.

I will be taking over the blog duties for the rest of the season.

Wow what a two week break from kickball. I hope you guys enjoyed it. In case you missed out we had some drunken shenanigans Memorial Day day weekend. Thank you for those you stopped by and had a drink with me for my Birthday. Lisa and the gang, thanks so much for the gift card and home made card with all the wonderful comments. You guys are the best. 

WAKA camp weekend saw none of us partake. Instead we decided to dress up as naughty nurses and doctors apparently and celebrate our wonderful Kiwi friend James' Birthday while walking from Hollywood bar to Hollywood bar. Let's just say whatever went on that day stays on that day. (Mainly because I was too drunk to remember much of it....)

On to kickball right?

Tough game and matchup against Saved by the Ball. We did our best and crawled back into the game but fell a little short at the end. Joe what an amazing, hilarious and entertaining in the park home run
to get us within striking distance. Field MVP honors awarded to your awesome play. Saved by the Ball played well, although it looked like I would have much rather have played them in dodgeball after seeing them try to peg Joe and miss so many times. Well played everyone.  We fell short at the bar with the odds stacked against them, Laney and Chris killed it in flip cup against our team of six. Bar MVP will go to Adam this week. He tried to break up a fight among two other teams and was an innocent bystander and got pushed by a random guy. Boo to that guy, hooray to Adam for stepping up
and trying to help out in a potential scary situation. Don't worry I will always have your back buddy. 

On to the highlight of our Sunday, the men week. I can't believe how wonderful everyone looked and participated in the up up and away theme. All of you are heroes in my book. 

Check out this awesome photo courtesy of Joe Fulton.
Also here are some photos of us having a great time . Til next week my friends,
Have a great week
Tommy